The Stress That Makes You Stronger
Stress gets a bad reputation. I’ve definitely contributed to that narrative myself. We talk a lot about reducing stress, avoiding stress, managing stress, which are all important conversations. In this article I want to reflect on the benefits of stress and why we need it.
Humans need an element of stress in our lives. Not the relentless, all-consuming kind, but an element of stress that challenges and stretches us. Like most things, it’s not about extremes. It’s about balance, and it’s about the relationship we have with it.
Without stress, we don’t really grow. Stress is often what helps us adapt, learn, and build resilience over time.
Stress isn’t the enemy
Someone shared this great experiment with me about trees.
Researchers grew trees in completely protected environments, without any external stress like wind and the weather patterns. Some of them grew tall but they’re often weak. Their trunks lacked strength and their roots didn’t anchor deeply. What makes a tree strong and grounded isn’t comfort or protection, it’s exposure to wind, weather and changing conditions.
This painted the picture so clearly for me. Without resistance, there’s no reason for strength to develop and we’re not that different.
When stress becomes unhelpful
Many clients come to me feeling afraid of stress, and that fear makes sense. Chronic, ongoing stress does have a real impact on the body and nervous system. Things we need to watch out for is feeling constantly on edge, wired but tired and overstimulated.
However, it’s not stress itself that’s necessarily the problem. It’s being stuck in a stress response without enough recovery. When the nervous system doesn’t get the chance to settle, stress starts to deplete rather than support us.
This is why building a flexible nervous system matters so much! One that can respond when needed, but also knows how to come back down into calm. One that isn’t living permanently in survival mode.
Healthy stress builds resilience
We actually want some healthy stress in our lives. The kind that gently challenges us. That asks us to step outside our comfort zone. That helps us build capacity and confidence.
Healthy stress is stress we can meet, move through, and recover from.
What’s important to say here is that this looks different for everyone. What feels manageable for one person might feel overwhelming for another, depending on life circumstances, support, and how resourced the nervous system already is.
It’s about response, not avoidance
Resilience isn’t built by avoiding stress altogether or trying to stay comfortable all the time. In fact, constant avoidance can make us more sensitive to stress, not less.
When we consciously choose discomfort in small, intentional ways, we build tolerance. We learn that we can handle challenge, and that we can always return to safety afterwards. That sense of choice and agency is key.
A simple stress audit
A helpful place to start is by getting curious about your own relationship with stress.
Rate the following out of 10
(10 = feeling strong and resourced, 0 = feeling reactive or depleted)
How do I generally respond to stress in my life
How easy do I find it to settle after stressful situations
Do I tend to avoid stress or discomfort where I can
How comfortable am I with uncertainty
There’s no right or wrong here and this can change in different seasons of your life. Just be curious.
A personal reflection
I know for myself that when I’m not actively grounding my nervous system or staying connected to myself, I can get caught up in the build up of stress. When I am grounded, I am able to hold space for the stress that comes my way more easily. There’s more space, more perspective.
This is what resilience is. Not a life without stress, but the ability to meet it without losing ourself in the process. And we build resilience by strengthening our inner world. But of course have grace for yourself when things are hard!
Next steps
If you’d like to work on your inner stability joint for the live Inner Stability Immersion taking place on from the 3rd - 5th March 2026. Details below.